have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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