Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
