I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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