i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
