I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
