I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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