I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
