Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Randomize
