the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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