My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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