A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
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new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
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Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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