perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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