Soap is not a condiment
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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