just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize