I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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