Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
