So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
