You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
