he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
