nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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