i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
