She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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