I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
