you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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