he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize