morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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