I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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