he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
