just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
