Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
