So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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