You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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