he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
