My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
pop tarts are not kleenex
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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