Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She told me I should be a condom model.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You are the jesus of drinking
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
