you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My ass is underappreciated
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
