Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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