Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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