Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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