I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
