Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
