She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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