i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
