oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
