either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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