I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
