dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
