Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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