I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
