We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
