I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
