Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
