I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
this hospital has no fireball
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
