i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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