I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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