i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think people are normalizing furries
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
