Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
