I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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