so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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