If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
