my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
