i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
