remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
All I want is dick and wine.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
