I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
